Faulty Marriage Foundation: The Genesis Of Failed Marriages.
When the foundations are being destroyed, what can the righteous do?” Psalms 11:3
It is the foundation of any building that determines its ability to withstand adverse weather. In the same vein, the foundation of marriage determines the durability or otherwise of such a relationship. Thus, if the foundation is faulty, then the collapse of the building is imminent. Though you may patch up along the line, the inevitable will still happen. A faulty foundation is a cause for the collapse of most marriages.
1. Impure relationship: Premarital sex and cohabitation are two aspects of an impure relationship that marred the foundation of a marriage. Premarital sex is unmarried people enjoy carnal gratification meant for married people. As a result, they set their marriage on a faulty foundation.
The second aspect is cohabitation. This is when two people not married lived and enjoyed a sexual relationship. Hence, it removes the fun associated with marriage after the wedding. It is like missing out on the excitement and expectation associated with a wrapped gift. Once they’ve been living together nothing new or innovative to offer. Since cohabited people are too familiar, no sexual reservation again after the wedding.
2. Wrong perspectives about marriage: Part of the wrong foundation leading to marital collapse is the wrong perspective about marriage.
Some do not understand the reason for marriage. So, they put the cart before the horse by making sex or childbearing the focus of their relationship. But, in God’s design childbearing is the final stage in the hierarchy of marriage pyramid. This is after companionship and sexual gratification. For instance, a marriage that begins with pregnancy has failed before it began. If all an individual wants in a marriage is a child the foundation already has a crack.
3. Wrong reasons for marriage: If you think before you act your mistake will be minimal. This applies to marriage. When you married for the wrong reasons, you’re building your marriage on a faulty marriage foundation. Some wrong reasons for getting married includes money, fame, possession, beauty, family, and pressure. These things are not wrong and do make the relationship enjoyable. But, when they are the reasons for choosing the person to marry then you’ve laid a wrong marital foundation.
4. Poor handling of history: Marriage collapse is traceable to failure to learn from history. Since some people had passed through this experience before their mistakes and success can be a great tool to succeed. So history could be that of one’s parents, a senior friend, a colleague, a fellow Christian, and neighbors.
These are people one could learn from their antecedents. But, if people go into marriage ignoring this it is to their disadvantage. For instance, one’s parental failure. What do you notice was at the root? Is it about poor management on both sides, a spiritual attack? The essence of history is to avert future error.
While you could learn from your parents or friends marital experience, dealing with this history poorly could make you have a negative outlook on marriage. This can make you think all men or women are the same or all marriages end up alike. That assumption will be incorrect. If you have a prejudice on marriage issue before engaging in it, you’ll be having your family on a marriage faulty foundation. Such a marriage would not stand the test of time.
5. Deception: You can tell if a relationship is on marriage faulty foundation if It is characterized by deceit. Deceit could be in form of hiding past mistakes of one’s life or the family. It could also be having an ulterior reason for entering into such a relationship. Yet, it could be to lure the other person into the marriage with an irresistible offer.
When one or both parties are not truthful to the relationship on issues of money, past disappointment, family history then they are building on a faulty marriage foundation.
6. External influence: If you solemnized any marriage principally on the external influence of the pastor, family and friends then, you’ve started on a faulty foundation. It is a question of time such marriage will come down crumbling like a pile of cards.
Yes, marriages need the contributions of the mentioned groups. But, if you get married due to external pressure, it is a risky venture. Such a relationship cannot last because love and conviction are not their foundation.
7. Lack of preparation: Like a building, marriage requires adequate preparation. Marriage is not for toddlers. Inadequate preparation is one for marital collapse. One of the fabrics of faulty marriage foundation is getting into marriage without knowing why or ready for it. This may be caused by pregnancy or forced marriage.
Notwithstanding what ended up a faulty marriage foundation for some people is their quest to get over frustration.
Maturity counts when it comes to marriage. These include emotional, physical, physiological and psychological, spiritual and financial preparedness. However, if anyone finds himself or herself in marriage without these prerequisites he or she has started on a faulty marriage foundation.
8. They Chose by reasoning: The best of us are limited by his five senses. Thus, if you choose a wife or husband basically on your reasoning, you’re starting on a faulty marital structure. Just like God told the Israelite why he needed to go before and with them in the wilderness. We all need God’s guidance in choosing rightly who to marry. One of the ways to avert this faulty marriage foundation is to start with God. With that, you can be sure of his guidance and preservation in trial and storm in the relationship. But, if you want God to guide in choosing how close are you to Him.
It is the foundation that will determine whether a building will stand the test of time or not. The same is true of marriage. Starting a marital journey on a faulty marriage foundation implies failure from the onset.
Do either or all the mentioned faulty marriage foundation appeal to you in any way?
As you plan to get into a serious relationship which one of the points (s) do you think every youth should take seriously?
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Author: Joseph Akinrinola
Joseph Akinrinola is a Pastor, Sunday school management coach, author, blogger, and a motivational speaker.
Joseph created this blog to help young Christians establish their
feet in Christ, and to provide Biblical time-tested answers to life’s
questions about relationship, christian living and personal development.