The devastating effect of any breakup is better imagined than experienced. Handling a breakup requires enormous self-motivated and resilient capacity, whether the relationship is short or long. This is because every breakup leaves you heartbroken, dejected, and confused. Then it reverses you to a fresh start with physical, mental and emotional stress as you ask where is God?
While there is no single solution to handling a break-up. Your healthy coping capability to get over that shock will not only bring you back on track. But, will make you strong to face other future challenges in the other sphere of life.
I have put together though not an exhaustive list of practical tips for handling a breakup and get back your life.
- God is good and so also you: Irrespective of who initiated the breakup or the reason God is good so you are. Instead of asking where is God when I hurt, remember who God has been to you in the past and what he has done for you before now. If he had helped you passed through a storm before he’ll do it this time as well. It is natural for you to see failure and defeat. But, remind yourself that you are still the great, caring, loving, daring, happy, and good-looking person you are. This breakup is a brief setback that’ll soon fizzle out
- Never deny the reality of the pain – Handling a breakaway does not deny the reality of the pain and trauma related to it. To admit it is painful. This may include shedding some sorrowful tears. In fact, weeping after a loss or breakup is medically healthy. This allows you to let out your emotions.
- Remind yourself the truth about the human being – You’ll succeed in handling any kind of breakup if you’ll remind yourself about the unreliability of all men. So handling a breakup in the marital relationship is one of the ways that prove the best of us can disappoint you.
- This breakup is a fraction of your entire life – There is more to life than the current breakup you have experienced. Thus, you should handle this fraction well, so it would not dictate your response to other aspects of your life. Be reminded you still have your friends, family, church, neighbors, etc that care and cherish your relationship. So, you cannot afford to disappoint them.
- It was a test of your maturity – The strength of a man is not where he stands in good time but in a period of crisis. It is a demonstration of whether you could rejoice in the trial. As a career man or woman, you’ll meet with disappointment from several people at different stages in life handling. Handling a breakup like this successfully will give you the edge and prepare you for a greater challenge in life.
- Don’t blame yourself – It is tempting when handling a breakup in a relationship to blame yourself for what you did or fail to do. At the time it is not your mistake that led to the breakup. Also, your best effort may not even save the situation. So don’t be hard on yourself as this will hurt you more than help you. Besides the deed is done already, and it’s no use crying over spilled milk.
- You can’t keep every relationship – Some relationships are transient and some courtship relationships are not an exception. This is what I mean. Unknown to you, you By divine arrangement you are to learn a certain lesson about people, yourself or a situation that is why you are in that collapsed relationship. So, once that lesson is over you’re done. As such handling, a breakup like this is your learning processes.
- Think about a worse scenario – You’ll succeed in handling a breakup relationship if you figure out a worse situation like the death of the man or the woman. Wouldn’t you be thankful that the relationship ended this way than either of you confirmed dead? It is better to handle a breakup, now than becoming a widow or widower at an early stage in your marriage. If you die will he or she start a new life with another person?
- Turn the table around – Sometimes handling a breakup becomes difficult because we do not put ourselves in the position of the one who jilted another person. At times the person who called off the relationship might have a good reason (s) for his or her action. Will you continue a relationship if it is not working at all?
- Share your pain – One of the best ways to deal with a breakup is to share your grief with others. Handling a breakup this way relieves you of the burden. Remember a problem shared is half solved. Surprisingly, you must have heard tales of people jilted severally, who are living a joyous life. My grandmother will say if you think you have a kilogram of problem share it with others and you’ll see people who have two-and-a-half kilograms of a problem. Therefore seek comfort from friends, marriage counselors, spiritual leaders, parents, older and mature friends.
- Keep away the memoir of your relationship – It is appropriate to keep away some gift, pictures of your past relationship. These are practical ways of handling a breakup. These objects will always remind you of your best times together and aggravate the pains and sorrow.
- Never share your emotion on social media – As much as possible block your ex from all your social media account. Social media is no go area when it comes to handling a breakup as the information spreads like wildfire and it will compound your grief.
- Revenge is not an option – You’ll be immature at handling breakups if you want to have your pound of flesh by discrediting him of her before people. The temptation to block his or her channel of goodness will be high. To think in that direction will show you have a shallow mentality.
- Take a break from a new relationship – Hurts take time to heal. So, take a break from engaging in a new relationship. This period helps you deal with the fresh breakup. The reason for this is to prevent you from the wrong judgment of actions and inaction of the new relationship. Apart from that, you cannot afford to be disappointed again so soon.
- Be productive – The best method of handling a break in a relationship is to concentrate your energy on productive activities. This more often than not takes off your mind from the disaffection to productive use of your time and life. Part of this is to do what you love doing, get involved in other people’s life. Though. You will find it difficult to be excited but still do it, anyway.
- Try praises. Perhaps you’ve heard this before “If prayer fails, try praises”. Beloved, it works wonders! Some years back, I was to deliver a message titled praises unto God in our fellowship. But, here I have several scars from the devil’s battering all over so I decide not to show up. Then, the Holy Spirit dropped two songs in my mind “the joy of the Lord is my strength” and “because He lives I can face tomorrow”. I went to the fellowship in the strength of these two songs, ministered powerfully and that was the end of that crisis. If it worked for me, it will work for you
Since you’re at the receiving end, the possibility and the rate of your recovery depends on you more than any external influence and remedy. While it’s correct, that time heals all manner of the wound, handling a breakup of the type you experienced requires your understanding and determination for the remedies mentioned above to work out.
Have you dealt with any breakup using other methods apart from these above?
Are these tips of any help to you?
Let the world learn from your experience as you share them in the comment box below.
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Author: Joseph Akinrinola
Joseph Akinrinola is a Pastor, Sunday school management coach, author, blogger, and a motivational speaker.
Joseph created this blog to help young Christians establish their
feet in Christ, and to provide Biblical time-tested answers to life’s
questions about relationship, christian living and personal development.