Naturally, no one set out to fail in marriage. But, the rate of divorce and marriage failure is on the increase. Thus, the question of reasons marriages fail calls for concern. More importantly, no marriage is insulated from this scourge and Christian marriage is not an exempted. This post on reasons why marriages fail will not only help young people advert this ugly trend of divorce. But, help marriages in dilemma X-ray their relationship to fix the missing link before their marriage finally hit the rock. Let us look at some factors that aided failed marriages
1. Starting on a wrong footing: One major reason marriages fail is a faulty foundation. Many people who went into marriage are ignorant of the dynamics of marriage. When you base your marital union on wrong societal values, parental and peer pressure, deception, financial benefit, cultural bias, and selfish interest then you are standing on a faulty foundation. For instance, you can’t expect any bliss from a forced marriage. Neither can a union contrasted on deception or racial sentiment withstand the shock and stress associated with all marriages.
2. Fantasy & Factual: Many young people do not realize the difference between the fantasy of courtship and the factual of marriage and this is part of the reasons marriages fail. This fact is not dawn on them until it becomes too late. Many concentrate their energy on the wedding and not on the marriage. But, when the euphoria of the wedding day is gone, they face the reality and demands of marriage. At such a time, many caved in, while others patch up. It is now they see the true picture of the man or the woman they married.
3. Unmet expectation: Part of the reasons marriages fail is unmet expectations. This happens most times when they built such a relationship on lies and deception. Though, sometimes people gave genuine promises with honest intentions. But, the failure of one or both people in the marriage to understand human limitation and accept the fact that unforeseen circumstances may hinder fulfillment of promises can cause marriage failure. Despite that, some give unrealistic promises to gain the heart of the other partner
So, the marriage fails when couples could not come to term with the weakness and failure to keep every promise common to all men. So, when people in a relationship give unrealistic promises or make an unrealistic demand on their partner, disappointment is inevitable.
4. Lack of maturity: Marriage requires problem-solving ability. Endurance is the hallmark of a happy marriage. Lack of maturity is one of the reasons why marriages fail. Marriage is not for kids and toddlers because they are selfish and incapable of handling stress. So, marriage failure is traceable to immaturity. This reflects on the constant complaint, regret, and name-calling.
Emotional immaturity is one major marriage killer I know. This does not have to do with age. Albert Einstein says maturity appears when we start to worry more about others than about ourselves. Thus, selfishness accounts for the failure of the marriage. Part of this emotional immaturity is the inability of one or both party in the relationship to deal with his or her ego. This is the thought that the world revolves around them alone
Emotional imbalance people vent their anger at will without thinking about the implication. Apart from that, they are selfish and ungrateful. Besides, evidence proves that those who married at a younger age have a hard time dealing with marital pressure, money, communication issues and child training. Also, research has it that divorce is higher among those who got married at a younger age.
5.Lack of trust: Trust is the confidence that your partner has your best interest at heart while lack of trust is when you’re not confident about your partner’s loyalty. No marriage survives without trust. This is also the breeding ground for infidelity and insecurity. Once, couples losses confidence in their relationship the end result is marriage failure.
Ideally, I will not expect you to be involved in a relationship if you do not trust the person. Though mistrust may come from past disappointment, when it becomes habitual it is signaling the death of that relationship.
6. Poor communication: Ask me one of the reasons marriages fail and I will say communication. In every form of communication, the speaker must speak so the hearer understands what he or she is saying.
This unresolved marital crisis has its root in poor communication. Sometimes what you say when you are speaking may be different from what your partner assumes you said. At such a time, it calls for clarification. To limit reasons why marriages fail, the couple must make a deliberate effort at effective communication.
In a world with several conflicting and contending voices and noise, couples must dissipate their energy in creating an enabling environment to discuss heart-to-heart. Interestingly, couples could avert what lead to divorce if they had invested enough time in mutual talk. Once couples allow the communication gap to create room for doubt, suspicion, and misrepresentation the collapse of the marriage is imminent.
Communication skill is one attribute every married or would-be married people should cultivate. You want your marriage to be a model, then, learn effective communication. Discuss with your spouse on every issue ranging from finance, sex, health, behavior, children, religion, culture, etc.
7. Sex: Another major underlying reason why marriages fail is a sexual problem. Unfortunately, people seldom talk about this when they sit before their pastor or counselor. By experience, if couples made no conscious effort toward sexual improvement it can derail the train of their marriage. I know sex life changes after the wedding. Now several other issues content for your attention such as work schedules, house chore for women. So, these issue begins to create a gulf in your relationship
Sometimes sexual interest and demands wane for either or both people. Sometimes, you’re bored with the same person night after night. To guard against marriage collapse, you should engage in meaningful discussion and set your priorities right. The antidote for this is to renew your marital wine like the way it was when you’re dating. Such as an outing alone, regular communication, exchange of gifts, and things you once enjoyed doing together back then.
8. Money: Apart from sex no other issues separate couples than finance. Don’t forget before marriage individual manages his or her finance independently. But, now there is a degree of restraint. Your spouse shares a part of your budget planning. Besides, your spending pattern defers. So, it requires a degree of compromise from both sides. Yet, this does not mean we should completely remove the individual personality. For instance, where a joint account would not work out, you could keep up a separate account yet be open on your spending.
Though this is not an exclusive list of reasons marriages fail but the salient one. I believe these list should be enough guides to prepare you for the future. But, if you are newly married you can watch out for some negative signs now and address them before you get into crises. Wherever you are on the block, there is a take away for everyone.
Does this list make sense to you? Join the conversation in the comment box below
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Author: Joseph Akinrinola
Joseph Akinrinola is a Pastor, Sunday school management coach, author, blogger, and a motivational speaker.
Joseph created this blog to help young Christians establish their
feet in Christ, and to provide Biblical time-tested answers to life’s
questions about relationship, christian living and personal development.